


Green

by GreenLemon



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Gen, Post Bartlett Administration, Post-Series, Santos Administration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 11:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19172413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenLemon/pseuds/GreenLemon
Summary: Post-TransitionThe transition hit you like a ton of bricks with its innumerable tasks and insane deadlines, but where the hell is Josh?!





	Green

You don’t know why you feel this way. You don’t know why you suddenly feel a lump in your throat. You don’t care about him anymore, not in that way. You left him years ago. _You_ left _him_... even though you wished he came after you.

But why? Why _her_? Does this mean your relationship meant nothing? Were you just the ‘other woman’ he decided to pass time with because he couldn’t have _her_?

No. No, Josh wouldn’t be that heartless. He is a good man with a good soul. You had a passionate relationship. It was real. He wanted you. He lusted after you, but did he love you? You laugh silently at yourself for that thought. Josh Lyman did not love you. He loved his job, and, you figure, he must have loved _her_. What does any of this matter now, anyway? It’s not like you loved him... Did you love him? Do you love him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

You found out this morning when you burst through his office door, preparing to scream at him for not answering his phone or his Blackberry, only to find Sam Seaborn sitting at his desk.

“Ah, good morning, Amy,” Sam said in his annoyingly cheery and sing-songy voice. It was much too early in the morning for joviality.

“What the hell?” you furrowed your brows. “Where the hell is Josh?”

“Should be landing in Hawaii any moment now,” Sam said matter-of-factly, without looking up from the memo he spread atop Josh’s desk.

“What matters of national importance can he possibly have in Hawaii right now?” You threw up your hands in disbelief.

“It’s not work related,” Sam flipped to a new page of his memo. “He went on vacation.”

You thought this must have been some sort of practical joke. “Pigs would fly before Joshua Lyman would go on vacation in the middle of the transition.”

“Well, you better keep an eye out your window then,” Sam smirked, finally looking up at you.

“This is going to be a PR nightmare!” you heard a female voice groan behind you. You turned around to find Lou Thornton looking even more vexed than usual.

Before you could ask what she was referring to, Ronna popped her head into Josh’s office. “I think it’s rather romantic,” she chimed in with a grin on her face.

“What is?” You felt annoyed that you seemed to be the only one kept in the dark about whatever this was.

“Josh and Donna,” Lou sighed and pinched her forehead as if to relieve a horrible migraine. “Josh took Donna to Hawaii with him. Stupid man! What are people gonna think? I’ll tell you what they will think,” she continued without meaning to pause for anyone’s input. “People are going to think that she got to where she is by seducing her boss and that _he_ violated a dozen sexual misconduct codes.

“Relax, Lou,” Sam began to pack up his memo. “It’s not sexual harassment if she consented. Besides, she hasn’t worked for him for a year, and, as far as anyone is concerned, their relationship was entirely platonic before they left the White House. I mean,” Sam began to mumble to himself, “if by platonic, you meant that they had plenty of passionate eye sex and sexually-charged banter without ever consummating their relationship in the traditional sense…”

“Sam!” Lou shrieked in exasperation, “I don’t think this is a great time to joke about this. I’m gonna have to get Annabeth to spin it in a way that doesn’t scream ‘Late Nights with My Sexy Secretary’ like it was some cheap porno...’” Lou stormed off.

Ronna began to ramble on about romantic getaways and how Josh and Donna had been together since at least Election Day. You couldn’t listen to this anymore, and you excused yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Right now, you’re sitting in your office twirling your pen absent-mindedly and swallowing hard in an attempt to rid of this uncomfortable feeling in your throat. You don’t know what has gotten into you. Are you jealous?

It’s not like you didn’t see this coming. You sensed years ago that Donna Moss was in love with her boss. You just didn’t think he felt the same way. You were so blinded by arrogance that you thought you had him wrapped around your finger. Arrogance has always been one of your biggest faults. You never glanced twice at her, unless it was to get to _him_. She was just a silly, uneducated little girl, not even a full-grown woman in your eyes. Her only values were working the copy machine and answering his phone. You let out a sigh. Deep down, you know this wasn’t true. She has made a name for herself without favoritism from Josh. She was the spokeswoman for _both_ Santos’ and Russell’s campaigns, and rumor has it that Helen Santos has asked her to be her Chief of Staff. Two Ivy League diplomas later, you will go down in history having the same title as a college dropout. You almost laugh at your conceited stupidity.

You don’t love him. You decide after several minutes of contemplation. You don’t want him, but you don’t want anyone else to have him either. You and your problematic egotism… somehow thinking that you were the only beautiful, intelligent woman who could turn his head. You went as far as trying to set him up with Sarah Potrero in front of her face. What did you hope to accomplish then? Trying to control his life? Trying to make her flustered? She has matured too much for your antics, and, you figure, so has he.

You reminisce about your relationship. It was passionate but volatile. You would orchestrate the most romantic moments, only to send it all crashing down seconds later because… what? To fulfill your own agenda? To challenge him? To prove that you could? You only realize now that no one wants the combative woman constantly competing to come out on top. She may have been tantalizing and titillating during the pursuit, but, in the end, what anyone wants in a relationship is an encouraging, sympathetic partner. You used to think it was beneath you to act with such docility in front of a man, but even you would not want to be with someone who fought you constantly.

Besides, Donna Moss wasn’t submissive. She was supportive. She was, and still is, his pillar, his rock. When the world came crashing down, she has always been there to hold it up for him. You can only imagine he would do the same for her.

Yes, you decide that you are envious. You are not envious that he has taken her to Hawaii instead of you. You are envious of their love and support for each other, that their sincerest wish is to bring each other happiness while you have spent so much time focusing only on yourself. You wonder if your revelations have come too little too late. You wonder if you will ever find someone who loves you like Joshua Lyman loves Donnatella Moss.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always considered myself to be a subpar writer, so please be gentle!
> 
> Also, I wrote this because Amy and Josh's relationship reminds me so much of my volatile relationship with an ex whom I loved. The circumstances were very different, but the pride and competitiveness feel similar. Soon after we broke up, he found himself a supportive girlfriend who admired him. I see her as the Donna to my Amy.  
> I guess, in a way, I wrote this piece for myself. This is as much my personal reflection as it is Amy's.


End file.
